Let me see if I can figure this out

i miss my family. i miss my sister. i miss my brother. i miss my kids. i miss mexico. but I have someone who never leaves me. i have someone who i cant miss because he is always with me. Do not withhold your mercy from me O Lord. may your love and truth always protect me. PSaLm 40:11

Earlier I was writing an entirely different post than this, but then I had to stop and sleep because I was tired and had no idea where I was going with it...and now I've lost my train of thought, and really have not much more to say on the matter. I mean, I still don't know exactly what I think about this whole predestination thing. I mean, I know what I ought to believe about it, but it's also really confusing and I'm not sure I understand it...I mean, at least not completely. I still have the post (which I never finished) saved as a draft. SO as soon as I work up the courage to go down that road again...well I will finish up and post it. For now I'm just going to ponder other matters. Ok so its my first week back at school and I am already screwing up all over the place. It's something I keep realizing. Just because I went to Mexico on a mission trip for the summer doesn't mean I'm some saint now who is going to be really good at everything who suddenl...

It is so hard for me to make blog entries. Its not as though I don't think of anything. I promise there is a functioning brain in this skull of mine. It's not as though, I never have anything going on in my life. In fact, sometimes I feel as though there is so much going on, and I have a plethora of thoughts and ideas running through my mind. Sometimes I find myself thinking, "I could post five pages about this!" and then when I actually have time, once I actually sit down and open up this page, and there is this white box staring back at me, and I suddenly blankout. When it came to Mexico I could write a book. I suppose it's just so easy to blog about what I am doing. It's however not as easy put what I am thinking out there, and spitball actual ideas. And I wonder what holds me back? Why can't I just put myself out there, share my opinions? IS it fear? Am I afraid of what kinds of comments people will leave? Am I afraid of something as petty as a grammar...

So I know I have been updating seven times a day for the past couple days, but I figure I am updating on everything that happened in Mexico and I do owe you guys that. Besides being home from Mexico has been nothing short of boring. I have nothing else to do. There is so much about my last few weeks in Mexico I could still talk about. This entry will be kind of short. This is just about talking to the kids this summer and what I learned from my conversations with them. Sometimes we try to talk people because we want to help them. Sometimes we go into the conversation thinking we can help them. Thinking that we can say or do something that will change their attitude, or their situation. Sometimes this is our goal. we go into a conversation with a specific thing we want to say, or a certain point we want to get across, all in the hopes that they will see things our way. We come across as preaching, and when we come across as preachy its because that is usually what we are being. What we ...

something that I learned from Sobre el puente is I can't change anything. I can't transform these kids lives or there hearts. Only God can. Something really hard for me to accept is, God is either going to change them or not, but whatever he does, he will do it in his own time. I want them to wake up right now. I want them to listen to the things we tell them everyday. I want them to really take the heart the things the staff and missionaries are say. I want them to be happy, and be safe. I want them to have a future, to have hope, and to be drug free. I want them to have a job, live in a home, have a family, have someone to love. I want them to know Gods love and accept it. I want them to realize they are worth something in this world. I want them to know they are beloved children of God. I want them to realize their potential and attain it. I would like them to know their talents and their gifts and have opportunities to share them. I want them to seek God and find him. I wan...

when you told me you were leaving you acted like you didnt care as if running away didnt matter and you never really were there but it wasnt as easy for me to pretend i wasnt going to lie and say that you leaving wouldnt hurt me again I couldnt smile and tell you that It'd be ok, It took all the strength I had not to beg you to stay and in the end I wish I would have I should have swallowed my pride, maybe then, I wouldn't be sittin here wondering if you were still alive. maybe you were trying to be brave and you thought you could be strong but I cant hide it when I'm afriad and I told you, you were wrong or maybe you dont know what you mean to me Or your own potential, and how great you could be you never saw the good in yourself that was so plain to me you said there are better people and one day I would see you saw a worthless street boy when you looked in the mirror you didn't try to make friends because you only knew fear but I saw an talente...

Wow being at Casa Hogar with my family and my church was probably one of the highlights of being there. I had missed my Dad, Leeland and Chantel all summer, and now here there were with me serving the same ministry along side of me, and loving the same kids along side of me. It was truly a blessing from God to be able to have some time with my sister and brother and dad there. It was good for the kids to see families interact, and it was so good for my dad, brother and sister to be interacting with the kids. All the little boys were in love with my brother. It was the most precious thing I felt as though Leeland was like their big brother. It made me proud. Of course seeing my dad and Leeland do grueling work on construction was nothing short of what I expected from them considering they both love manual labor. I also had a special opportunity this week to go with my sister and Kim to sobre el puente. My sister went with me Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday during the hours that the rest o...

Returing to Acapulco from Guanajuato was sad exhausting and refreshing all at the same time. I was bummed to say goodbye to the Fort Worth team, and all the new people that I had met there. It was sad, as it always is to say goodbye to new friends. The car ride back is always shorter than the car ride there. I remember thinking the car ride was going to be so long, but then it turned out to be too short (for me anyway, I don't know how the other interns felt). Two of the kids living at Sobre El Puente (Valentin and Carlos) decided to stay in Guanajuato at the camp site for one more week. I was going to miss them but I knew I'd see them again in a few short days. I got to ride back with Santos, Tony, Brisa and Angel. I was happy to get to ride back with Santos and Tony especially. My heart was a little heavy thinking about arriving back in Acapulco though because I knew that was when I would have to say goodbye to them, until possibly next year. I did not want to say goodbye to ...

with Sobre el Puente - ministering to the street children of Acapulco I'm not sure why but for some reason I always get the urge to spill my guts at ungodly hours in the morning or all at the same time. Like for instance I just posted this huge long winded post which was only about the car ride to camp, and I already feel like talking about the rest of the week. So obviously the trip there taught me alot about patience and my incapacity to do something without complaining. I used to think I was good at not complaining but now I've realized that just because I'm not complaining outloud, doesn't negate the complaining in my mind...I am actually not a patient person at all, I just like to pretend I am. Sunday Morning; Breakfast was served at 8. At this camp there was no water available before 9am, and after 5 pm. Worship began at nine, followed by the sermon, small group devotional time, games/craft time, and then lunch, game/group time and then dinner at 6....needless to ...

This is what I'm learning from being home; Learning to be thankful no matter what situation he puts me in Learning to have peace in my heart trust him no matter what happens July 17th-July is 24th This past week Rebe, Beka and I went to camp with Sobre el puente. Sobre el Puente is a MTW ministry in Acapulco that works with the children living on the street. The main goal is sharing of the Gospel to these kids, and getting them out of current living situations. Trying to provide them with better lives. Staff: Josue, Jaime, Lucy, Monse, and Marilu. Kids: Santos, Tony, Valentin, Carlos, Felippe, Luiz, Sapito, Luiz Angel, Angel Payaso, Estrella, Jesus, Brisa, and probably more whom I am forgetting at the moment. The day started at 6 am. I got up and was completely packed and ready to go. Had some trouble fitting three interns and two large suitcases into a small taxi cab but we made it work. Although we didn't know exactly how to get there and the cab driver over charged us by ab...

so much for trying to be better about updating. so now I am home. its already august. I arrive home last night. I can't believe I've been there the whole summer. everyday seems to blend together and I feel so strange being home. my heart is definitely heavy and I miss those kids so much. And yet I feel peace in my heart like everything will be ok. I think I am finally starting to trust God. and I cant explain it but I know no matter what happens I will see their beautiful faces again. I also know that God is watching over there lives because he is good and faithful and he loves them more than I could ever love them. Sometimes when i would think about leaving I would feel so sad and I couldnt picture it, and through prayer and other missionaries this year, Ive realized that God loves these kids much more than I do and could possbily ever love them. And I think knowing that is what gives me peace.