Let me see if I can figure this out

more to come.

Word of advice: Don't eat white chocolate to close before your bed time. Another word of advice, don't be anxious about things you have no control over. Tomorrow is my first Charity Fair event with CHS. It's for my internship. My second official advocacy type thing where I am going to represent my agencey in order to appropriate funds for our programs. I'm going to go to this fair, have my own little space on my own little side of the table...and I'm going to sit there, along with about fifty other reps from various other organizations, and I'm going to talk to whoever comes to my table about our programs. I'm going to hand out flyers, insist on them taking candy, in hopes that someone will support me. I really have no control over this. I'm as prepared as I'll ever be, and I'm still freaking out over it and losing sleep. My goal in posting this is that by 1:30 am I will be too tired to care and just plop on my bed and pass out. I don't reall...

I think I have insomnia. Last night was yet another one of those nights during which I couldn't fall asleep. I finally fell asleep at 5 am. I was going to update then, but my head felt so deprived of rest that I was rendered incapable of putting my thoughts into coherent sentences. I've had one nightmarish night, similar to this night, a week ago which was followed by subsequent nights of a normal and regular sleep pattern. So I am hoping this sleepless night will be followed by many sleep-satisfying-ones. I would really love to get a decent nights rest tonight. My head hurts. And the thing is, you would think after a night like this, I would be able to sleep soundly into the late morning or even well past noon...but I can't. I can't sleep too late; I can't sleep during the day really. I can take naps randomly while doing homework, but now I am afraid that is the root, if not at least becoming part of the problem. Maybe my recent habit of taking long afternoon naps ...

why is it that whenever something bad happens, and we need God the most...that is when we run? I am just speaking from personal experience. That is what I always do. whenever something horrible happens in my life and I am strickin with sorrow and grief, I don't want to go to God. I think, what could he possibly do? I think, why is God conerened with my petty little human problems...or sometimes I guess I even partially blame him and I'm angry that this happened and I don't trust him enough to go to him. Maybe I just am afraid he will hurt me more. or maybe Im not trusting in his power to comfort me, to console me? Or me, the way that I am I always try and get through something on my own. I dont want people to feel sorry for me, or pitty me. I dont want to come across as weak and unable to handel difficult situations. I am far to prideful sometimes. and I dont know why considering Im inept at half the things I do. but these are the times when we should call on the Lord, tru...

I'm not sure what it was that was keeping me awake, but between the hours of 2 and 5 am I could not bring my eyelids to shut and I couldn't bring my mind to be still and drift into dreamland. At times my eyes would begin to shut and then I would just begin to think about various things, things I can't change but wish I could. Things such as the way my friends or family think about their faith, or their lives or just God in general. This is something that troubles me quite often, although I think this is the first time I've lost sleep over it. Which leads me to believe God has answered my prayers in at least one respect (and I'm sure countless more ways, which I have not yet been able to see). But definitely in this way...I remember praying so much last year that I would not become complacent. I knew, at the time, I already had become complacent in my faith because for a period of time I stopped caring. I knew that I was not growing, I knew I was at a standstill, not...